我实习的时候大概把第一份工作的break都break掉了。

 

开工到现在，除了吃午饭，没有休息过一次，早上一到办公室就电话，email，传真订单不停，没吃早饭的我只好每天进门时匆匆忙忙倒杯水，很多时候买了咖啡旁边一放就忘了。今天下午被形式主义的拉去上了堂公司信息保密课，保密部的越南老头声音像小蜜蜂，听久了我直想打瞌睡。本来我高兴得以为就这样晃掉了2小时，回到办公室发现桌上又多了一打订单和乱七八糟传真，一屁股坐下后还不断有人来电话“骚扰”，订单上问题多多，我还不得不再去“骚扰”别人。时间飞也似的就过去了，本来我还对不能用msn感到失落，现在就算能用估计我也会吓得隐身了。

 

很庆幸在广告公司实习的那段时间锻炼出了销售该有的厚脸皮，不过公司的一些销售经理还是让我惊叹不已。。如果什么时候我能对着客户叫“我的小鸡”“我的小鸭”或者。。“亲爱的”，就强大了我。。。

最近没事就去逗干儿子。

 

其实本来就是朋友Mei的可爱儿子Alex，偶对baby的溺爱经过他妈若干日的观察，今日终于荣升干妈娃哈哈哈哈哈哈。。。

 

 

我和干儿子bonding

 

 

干儿子的妈替干儿子保证以后赚了钱给干妈买Chanel，干妈特此发博文一篇为证娃哈哈哈哈哈。。。

有时候低调别人反而更加不爽，各么哪能办呢？索性给大家一个茶余饭后的话题吧 :P

 

说来害臊，我儿童节一直过到读大学的。。。姨妈们每年都不忘给俺礼物/红包

 

今年的儿童节换了俺给红包了 朋友的BB双满月还碰上儿童节，这位厨艺高超的朋友满汉全席得招待众人，俺们多数时候顾不得BB在一旁，狼吞虎咽 *hiccup*

 

 

祝辰辰，Belle, Cassie，凡凡，睿曦，Lucas，冰冰，怡君的BB and all my lovely little cousins and little buddies儿童节快乐 

 

And 周大宝(lol你爹还没说你叫啥名字)，Tingting Happy Birthday !

 

“刚才在电视上看到丁凛传递火炬了。”said zoomy. 我的眼珠子差点掉落在键盘上。

 

原来以为是每个区派代表去做火炬手的，那么他们选这位青年学科教学一等奖得主/百花奖得主/三八红旗手/市劳模也不足为奇。网上搜了一下新闻，结果没想到丁凛是跟着全市24万志愿者一起自己报名，经过多项知识文体选拔后才录选的。这下我更加surprised了。

 

不过一切还是都很make sense。当年高中里，丁凛的大名就算不是她任课班里的学生都听到过，魔鬼英语教师兼班主任，强项是意志教育。高三被她带了一年，我至今仍旧记得她为了鼓励大家用功做题说过的一句话，“为了成功，人在很多时候都必须做自己不想做的事情的。” 这次她去火炬传递却证明了大多成功的人是做了自己想做的事 :P

 

Petite丁凛，Big Fighter :D

 

娃哈哈哈哈，炉火纯清了，终于不用馋涎上海的葱油饼了！

配料： 面粉，水，葱，麻油，盐，白胡椒，油

那个香，那个脆，被自己钦佩倒了 lol

 

由于缺乏运动和受了美女飞的启发，我也在youtube上找到了第八套广播体操，跟着做，竟然没有很生疏的感觉，很多动作都自然得跟上了。

怀念啊。。。虽然中学时代大多数人都对常规的晨操厌恶不绝，冬天还换成长跑，唯一的乐趣可以看一眼暗恋的其他班的某某某和在集合的时候八一八隔壁班的谁谁谁。晨操除了陈宏亮同学认真做之外(老7班的同学一起lol)，其他人都是有气无力的甩甩手脚，那时的我做梦也想不到7，8年以后我还会特地从网上找来video, 学陈同学姿势到位的做体操-_-b

 

The photo was taken during the Olympic torch relay in San Francisco, the board holder was an angry pro-tibetan protestor.

 

Although the nazi did host the Olympic Games in Berlin during the WW2, they were to host the one earlier in 1916 when they were busy screwing France, it was canceled at last because of the war, not the boycott.

 

That's why we say, sometimes it's better to keep your mouth shut when you don't know sh*t.

初中的时候我就嚷着要学日语，我妈没准我，说你先把英语学学好。这句话一说说到大学，就变成了你先把英语和法语学学好。在这期间，我听J-pop，看日剧，看啊看啊就把平假名看懂了，片假名在歌词中出现率不高，所以到现在还有几个看到读不出来。关于学习日语，很多人都说大家是笑着进学堂，哭着出来的。俺不喜欢看悲剧额，但是日语我是一定要学的，我知道没有压力的学习很小鸡啄米的，但是好过没有吧。

 

下文转载，给所有尝试过学日语的朋友搞笑一番。

 

 

 

So You Want To Learn Japanese

You've eaten at a few Japanese restaurants, seen some anime, hosted an exchange student, and had a Japanese girlfriend. And now, somewhere in the back of your tiny brain, you think that Japanese would be a good language to learn. Hey, you could translate video games! Or Manga! Or even Anime! Pick up Japanese girls, impress your friends! Maybe you'll even go to Japan and become an anime artist! Yeah! Sounds like a great idea!

So you head down to the library, pick up some books with titles like "How To Teach Yourself Japanes In Just 5 Seconds A Day While Driving Your Car To And From The Post Office" and "Japanese For Complete And Total, Utter Fools Who Should Never Procreate". Hey, you already know a few words from your manga collection/girlfriend/anime. Excited and impressed with your new knowledge, you begin to think: "Hey. Maybe, just maybe, i could do this for a living! Or even major in Japanese! Great Idea, Right?

WRONG

I don't care how many anime tapes you've watched, how many Japanese girlfriends you've had, or books you've read, You don't know Japanese. Not only that, majoring in the godforsaken language is NOT fun or even remotely sensible. Iraqi war prisoners are often forced to major in Japanese. The term "Holocaust" comes from the Latin roots "Holi" and "Causm", meaning "to major in Japanese". You get the idea.

And so, sick of seeing so many lambs run eagerly to the slaughter, I have created This Guide to REAL TIPS for Studying Japanese. Or, as is actually the case, NOT studying it.

 

 

This should be an obvious.

Despite what many language books, friends, or online tutorials may have told you, Japanese is NOT simple, easy, or even sensical (Japanese vocabulary is determined by throwing tiny pieces of sushi at a dart board with several random syllables attatched to it). TheJapanese spread these rumours to draw foolish Gaijin into their clutches.

Not only is it not simple, it's probably one of the hardest language you could ever want to learn. With THREE completely different written languages (none of which make sense), multitude of useless, confusing politeness levels, and absolutely insane grammatical structure, Japanese has been crushing the souls of the pathetic Gaijin since it's conception. Let's go over some of these elements mentioned above so you can get a better idea of what I mean.

The Japanese Writing System

The Japanese writing system is broken down into three separate, complete, and insane, parts: Hiragana ("those squiggily letters"), Katakana ("those boxy letters") and Kanji ("roughly 4 million embodiments of your worst nightmares").

Hiragana is used to spell out Japanese words using syllables. It consist of many letters, all of which look completely different and bear absolutely no resemblance to each other whatsoever. Hiragana were devloped by having a bunch of completely blind, deaf, and dumb Japanese people scribble things on pieces of paper while having no idea why they were doing so. The resulting designs were then called "hiaragana". The prince who invented these characters, Yorimushi("stinking monkey-bush-donkey") was promptly bludgeoned to death. But don't worry, because you'll hardly use Hiragana in "real life".

Katakana are used only to spell out foreign words in a thick, crippling japanese accent, so that you'll have no idea what you're saying even though it's in English. However, if you remember one simple rule for Katakana, you'll find reading Japanese much easier: Whenever something is written in Katakana, it's an English word! (note: Katakana is also used for non-english foreign words. And sound effects, and Japanese words). Katakana all look exactly the same, and it's impossible, even for Japanese people, to tell them apart. No need to worry, because you'll hardly ever have to read Katakana in "real life".

Kanji are letters that were stolen from China. Every time the Japanese invaded China (which was very often) they'd just take a few more letters, so now they have an estimated 400 gazillion of them. Kanji each consist of several "strokes", which must be written in a specific order, and convey a specific meaning, like "horse", or "girl". Not only that, but Kanji can combined to form new words. For example, if you combine the Kanji for "small", and "woman", you get the word "carbeurator". Kanji also have different pronounciations depending on where they are in the word, how old you are, and what day it is. When European settlers first came upon Japan, the Japanese scholars suggested that Europse adopt the Japanese written language as a "universal" language understood by all parties. This was the cause of World War 2 several years later. Don't worry, however, since you'll never have to use kanji in "real life", since most Japanese gave up on reading a long, long time ago, and now spend most of their time playing Pokemon.

Politeness Levels

Politness Levels have their root in an ancient Japanese tradition of absolute obedience and conformity, a social caste system, and complete respect for arbitrary heirarchical authority, which many American companies believe will be very helpful when applied as magaerial techniques. They're right, of course, but no one is very happy about it.

Depending on who you are speaking to your politeness level will be very different. Politeness depends on many things, such as age of the speaker, age of the person being spoken to, time of day, zodiac sign, blood type, sex, whether they are Grass or Rock Pokemon type, color of pants, and so on. For an example of Politness Levels in action, see the example below.

The bottom line is that Politeness Levels are completely beyond your understanding, so don't even try. Just resign yourself to talking like a little girl for the rest of your life and hope to God that no one beats you up.

Grammatical Structure

The Japanese have what could be called an "interesting" grammatical structure, but could also be called "confusing", "random", "bogus" or "evil". To truly understand this, let's examine the differences between Japanese and English grammar.

Japanese grammar is not for the faint of heart or weak of mind. What's more, the Japanese also do not have any words for "me", "them", "him, or "her" that anyone could use without being incredibly insulting (the Japanese word for "you", for example, when written in kanji, translates to"I hope a monkey scratches your face off"). Because of this, the sentence "He just killed her!" and "I just killed her!" sound exactly the same, meaning that most people in Japan have no idea what is going on around them at any given moment. You are supposed to figure these things out from the "context", which is a German word meaning "you're screwed".

 

When most Americans think of Japanese people, they think: polite, respectful, accomadating. (They could also possibly think: Chinese). However, it is important to learn where the truth ends and our Western stereotyping begins.

Of course, it would be irresponsible of me to make any sweeping generalizations about such alarge group of people, but ALL Japanese people have three characteristics: they "speak" English, they dress very nicely, and they're short.

The Japanese school system is controlled by Japan's central government, which, of course, is not biased in any way (recent Japanese history textbook title: "White Demons Attempt To Take Aaway our Holy Motherland, But Great And Powerful Father-Emperor Deflects Them With Winds From God: The Story Of WW2"). Because of this, all Japanese have been taught the same English-language course, which consists of reading The Canterbury Tales, watching several episodes of M*A*S*H, and reading the English dictionary from cover to cover. Armed with this extensive language knowledge, the children of Japan emerge from school ready to take part in international business and affairs, uttering such remarkable and memorable sentences as "You have no chance to survive make your time", and adding to their own products by inscribing english slogans, such as "Just give this a Paul. It may be the Paul of your life" on the side of a slot machine.

Secondly, all Japanese people dress extremely well. This fits in with the larger Japanese attitude of neatness and order. Everything has to be in it's correct place with the Japanese, or a small section in the right lobe of their brain begins to have seizures and they exhibit erratic violent behavior until the messiness is eradicated. The Japanese even FOLD THEIR DIRTY CLOTHES. Sloppiness is not tolerated in Japanese society, and someone with a small wrinkle in their shirt, which they thought they could hide by wearing a hooded sweatshirt over it (possibly emblazoned with a catchy english phrase like "Spread Beaver, Violence Jack-Off!"), will be promptly beaten to death with tiny cellular phones.

Lastly, the Japanese are all short. Really, really short. It's kind of funny. Not ones to leave being tall to the Europeans or Africans, however, the Japanese have singlehandedly brought shoes with incredibly gigantic soles into style, so that they can finally appear to be of actual human height, when in reality their height suggests that they may indeed be closer in relation to the race of dwarves or Hobbits.

Japanese culture is also very "interesting", by which we mean "confusing" and in several cases "dangerous". Their culture is based on the concept of "In Group/Out Group", in which all Japanese people are one big "In" group, and YOU are the "Out" group. Besides this sense of alienation, Japan also produces cartoons, and a wide variety of other consumer products which are crammed into your face 24 hours a day, seven days a week. The Japanese also like cock fighting monsters that live in your pants, taking baths with the elderly, and killing themselves.

Japanese food is what some people would call "exotic", but what most people call "disgusting", or perhaps, in some areas, "whack". Japanese food evolved in ancient days, when the main staple of the diet was rice. People got so sick and tired of eating rice, in fact, that they ate just about anything else they could find, from seaweed to other Japanese people. This has led to the creation of such wonderful foods as "Natto", which I believe is a kind of bean but tastes like battery acid, and "Pocky", which is a stick with different frostings on it, the flavors of which include Sawdust and Strawberry.

Despite this variety of foods, however, the Japanese have succeeded in making every single thing they eat, from tea to plums, taste like smokey beef.

 

As if learning the language wasn't hard enough, Japanese classes in America tend to attract the kind of student who makes you wish that a large comet would strike the earth. There are a few basic type of students that you'll always find yourself running into. These include The Anime Freak, The Know It All, and the Deer Caught In Headlights.

The Anime Freak is probably the most common, and one of the most annoying. You can usually spot a few warning signs to let you identify them before it's too late: they wear the same exact Evangelion shirt every day, they have more than one anime key chain on their person, they wear glasses, they say phrases in Japanese that hey obviously don't understand (such as "Yes! I will never forgive you!"), they refer to you as "-chan", make obscure Japanese culture references during class, and usually fail class. You have to be extremely careful not to let them smell pity or fear on you, because if they do they will immeadiately latch onto you and suck up both your time and patience, leaving only a lifeless husk. Desperate for human companionship, they will invite you to club meetings, anime showings, conventions, and all other sorts of various things you don't care about.

The Know It All typically has a Japanese girlfriend or boyfriend, and because of this "inside source" on Japanese culture, has suddenly become an academic expert on all things Japanese, without ever having read a single book on japan in their entire lives. You can usually spot Know It All's by keeping an eye out for these warning signs: a cocky smile, answering more than their share of questions, getting most questions wrong, questioning the teacher on various subjects and then arguing about the answers (a typical exchange: Student: What does "ohayoo" mean?,Teacher: It means "good morning", Student: That's not what my girlfriend said...), being wrong, talking alot about Japanese food and being wrong, giving long, unnecessarily detailed answers which are wrong, and failing class.

The Deer Caught In headlights are those students who took Japanese because either a.) they thought it sounded like fun, b.) they thought it would be easy, or c.) they just need a couple more credits to graduate. These students wear a mask of terror and panic form the moment they walk into class till the moment they leave, because all they can hear inside their head is the high pitched scream their future is making as it is flushed down the toilet. They are usually failing.

Although many of Japanese-language students are smart, funny, hard working people, none of them will be in your class.

 

If you can get past the difficulty, society, and classmates, you will probably find Japanese to be a fun, rewarding language to learn. We wouldn't know, however, since no one has ever gotten that far. But hey, I'm sure You're different.

Author's Note:This whole essay, although sprinkled with truisms here and there, is a joke and should be taken like one. I'm actually a Japanese major myself, and even if I've given it a bit of a hard time, I love the Japanese language, and I think everyone should give it a try.

You should just be ready for a whole lot of pain.

HAPPY LANGUAGE LEARNING!

 

Depuis quand qu'on n'a plus le droit de booooyyyyycoooootttter les JO dans la rue à Paris ? Les polices de Paris, veuillez respecter les drooats de l'homme okay ? On fait ce qu'on veut okay ? On a le droat d'éteindre la flaaaaame Olyyympiquueu si on veut ! Comme les Teebétins ont le droat d'être in-dé-pen-dant !

 

 

 

 

旧金山，每天下午2点，只要有太阳，就可以在这个角度看到圣母玛丽亚大教堂的一侧外墙上神奇的显现圣母玛丽娅的。。。。。。。。。。。咪咪。。。

 

天意？？？人为？？？

介过上过班滴冷（特别是男同胞们)都有体会吧 lol

 

 

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it. As much as we try to
convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who
hate pooping at work, the following is the Survival Guide for taking a
dump at work.

CROP DUSTING

When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in
your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn’t know where it came
from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has
been expelled. Walk an extra 50 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

 
FLY BY

This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and
check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

 
ESCAPEE

This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave
of embarrassment. If you release an ESCAPEE, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the
urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an ESCAPEE. It is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both
parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This
is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should
happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the
bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water.
This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just
stunk the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone
walks in and busts you As with farts, it is best to pretend that the
smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with
the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will
often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the
office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N.)
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes
off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts
of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
A SAFE HAVEN is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where
you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the
opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering
the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries
to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable
moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs,
remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will
avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you
are in a stall is called a CAMO-COUGH. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. The CAMO-COUGH is very
effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
An ASTAIRE is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD
BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that
the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
A WATERMELON is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the
toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet
water. This is often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using a CAMO-COUGH
with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TODD
An UNCLE TODD is a bathroom user who seems to linger around forever.
This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror
or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TODD makes it difficult to relax while
on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is
empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.

Hope the Survival Guide helps, as the WORK POOP is an inevitable part of
life.

 

me : 侬知道伐，蛋白质吃多了，反而容易得cancer。

him : 切，又来了，有什么根据啊？

me : 人家做了试验了好伐，把一定剂量的致癌物加上20%美国人一天涉入的蛋白质量给一组小白鼠，同样剂量的致癌物加上5%这些蛋白质喂另一组小白鼠，试验结果明显蛋白质吃多的那组小白鼠都得cancer了。

him : 废话，总归是吃了致癌物嘛，他也没有说什么致癌物，也没有说做实验的是什么老鼠。靠，你不要告诉我家里好久不吃肉就是因为这个啊？

me : 多吃肉本来就不好。。。

him : #{~#{s#{|x`[[\[\|`\x

 

第二天

 

him : 侬知道伐，XXX在他的blog上说，到了2050年人可能会有不死之身了:D

me : ^^bb ???

him : 是的亚，他说现在电脑技术发展越来越快了，电脑马上可以向人脑一样思考了，各么。。。。(此处省略100字science talk）几亿台电脑一起像科学家那样思考，什么癌症恶疾问题都会被解决掉了！人就变成不死之身了，不过还得等到2050年。

me : 。。。。。。那个蛋白质你不信，这个你倒信的？

him : 。。。。。。

 

It will appear, please be patient.